Something I’ve noticed recently is that when taking about mental illness and psychological/spiritual struggles I/others tend to be apologetic, as if to say, “Sorry I’m like this. Wish I wasnt. Will endeavor to do better. Gonna take a pill. Gonna go to therapy. Gonna be different.” I have exactly one friend who is definitely not what you’d call neurologically typical but who also has zero shame about himself, his condition, his coping mechanisms. Talking to him about depression, adhd, anxiety, etc is literally the freest and most comfortable I ever feel.

When we talk we might talk about things being hard but we don’t talk about “health” because, I think, he’s rejected the idea of health as a normative model of social control that ultimately reifies the pain of depression, anxiety, etc in the sufferer. I don’t know that he would frame it this way—I think he’d just say health is fuckin bullshit.

I’ve long been critical of “self-care” and I’m slowly coming around to view health itself as a category harmful to anyone who could be branded as neurologically atypical and frankly probably harmful to anyone who experiences pain (read: everyone). Anyway this is all half baked nonsense probably but I’m tired of apologizing to myself and the world for being the way I am.

Thanks, TL, for showing the way.